English4FL2s2016: 1st creative writing challenge!

Tuesday 13 September 2016

1st creative writing challenge!

Hi all!

Hope you are doing well! Welcome to our first activity. Please, post your comments before September19th, 2 p.m.!

1. Consider the brainstorming activity developed in class about the video "My shoes".

2. Write your own version of the story. Try to use a short tale's writing structure: introduction, body and conclusion.

- Introduction: it usually offers something that changes / affects / motivates the characters of the story to overcome a situation.

- Body: it usually reveals how the characters move toward overcoming the situation.

- Conclusion: it has to do with facing one difficult choice and decides one correct option while working out of the situation.

3. Write a paragraph for each one of the parts mentioned above, giving your own ideas to tell your version of the story. It must have 150 words at least.

4. Prepare an oral report about it to be presented in the tutorial sessions (last week of September), you just will have 2 1/2 minutes and it is expected you to say 45 sentences at least.

4. Language use / writing aspects:

- Simple sentence structures, consider past simple and past continuous.

- Useful vocabulary you need to express your ideas.
- Grammar, spelling, punctuation rules, etc.

All your writings will be welcome as comments... Thanks for participating!

43 comments:

Unknown18 September 2016 at 15:34
It all started with a poor child, he was sitting in the park and he was looking around and suddenly he listened taunts. He saying nothing, He started to walk towards a bridge. Upon arrival, he began to think about how miserable his life was.
On the other side of the park, appeared a boy that was sitting in the park bench, who also, dressed very well, then, the guy who was in the bridge walked over to the guy who was there. Once he arrived, he looked to the boy who was next. Specially the clothes that boy was wearing.
Sad and disappointed our poor child, He started walking again and stopped in a tree, he took off his broken shoes and put them in his hands and he started to talk himself and after that he wished with his heart this: “I want to be like him” “I want to be like him” “I want to be like him” he said.
His dream came true, but the reality was different, He was like him but when he tried to stand up, he couldn´t and the other guy was running and playing. After that, arrived a woman with a wheelchair who apologized for the delay.

ReplyDelete
Replies
Anonymous18 September 2016 at 16:23
It was a day like any other. I was sitting in a park while everyone else were having fun so I started to walk while I was avoiding their laughs, well, it was a park and there was laughs everywhere. It was so annoying.

I stopped in a bridge where I saw that the ducks were happier than me so I went to another spot in the park, I thought that I could scape from everything and everyone, but when I arrived to the new spot there was a child from my age. That kid was wearing beautiful clothes that I never would have, I was very jealous. I sat next to him while I was watching his perfect clothes. He gave me a silly smile, he was just trying to be nice but I did not care about so I went away to a tree that was close from there, i was alone again but I could not stop to think about him, his lucky being a rich boy, his perfect hair and beautiful clothes. I wanted to have his shoes, his hair, his life, I wanted to be him! so I repeated so hard and so many times that... Suddenly our bodies changed, it was quite weird but more than that I had what I wanted, his life!

Something strange was happening, he was jumping around in my body while he was screaming with euphoria, he was even happier than me, but who cares? Now I had everything that I wanted and it was better than being poor, but something was not right, when I tried to stand up I could not do it, there was a problem, i could not feel my legs, everything was so confusing but I understood it when I saw her, a beautiful woman was getting close to me bringing a wheelchair with her, in that moment everything was clear, I realized that I was wrong, he was worst than me and now everything is worst for me and I had to live knowing that I had everything and I lost it.

Camilo Hernández
Cod: 201410746
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown18 September 2016 at 20:40
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete
Replies
Paola S18 September 2016 at 20:46
This story is about a guy, let is supposehis name is Marco. He was sat down on a bench surrounded by a beautiful landscape, surrounded by nature, surrounded by people who were enjoying life, surrounded by life, but dispite all those wonderful things that were close to him, he was sad, he was a wretched guy. Maybe because of his clothes, becuase those were broken and old, or maybe because he was alone and unloved. For any reason he was sad and wandered in the park. He stopped in the middle of a bridge and stared at his reflection on the lake. In that time span, some thoughts came to his mind and before them consumed him, he walked again and, in his way, he met a guy like him, let is suppose his name is Orlando. Orlando was happy, well dressed and you could see life in his eyes.

For a couple of seconds they stared each other and then, Marco ran away. He did not want to keep being in that place, close to a guy who hada ll that he wanted. Marco ran away and sat down next to a tree living a fantasy because, becuase he started to imagine how his life would be if he were like the other guy, Orlando. He wished to be like him, he wished to have his life.Children’s wishes are powerful and Marco’s wish was not the exeption. His fantasy became in a reality. Their souls exchanged of body and now those guys hada ll that they wanted but, why Orlando was happy if he had broken clothes, he was dirty and the society was not going to accept him because of what he is? Orlando was a poor guy who lived on the Street but anyway he was happy, why? Because he could run, walk and do all that he always wanted, to move every single part of his body. Marco became in a disabled guy who had cool clothes, cool shoes and a cool house.

Marco changed his wonderful life for something material whitout being conscious of what he had. He changed his life for a poor and unnecessary wish. He did not what happiness was, he did not know what life is about.

Gina Sandoval
Cod. 201511543
ReplyDelete
Replies
Sergio Tarazona18 September 2016 at 21:30
A little boy was very sad in the park because of his shoes which were too old like the child´s happiness.Some people made fun of him while he was watching his old shoes.The little boy walked until a small bridge and watched his ruin on the water reflection as the day passed.

While the feather of a bird was falling down the child sat under a huge tree.To increase his sadness, another child appeared in the park, but this was a very lucky child because he had clean clothes and new shoes.The poor child did not hesitate and while he was closing his eyes he wished to be the other child, only to have new shoes.

Finally, the wish was fulfilled by the universe and the two boys changed their bodies.The poor child got the shoes that he loved, but he could not walk, that body did not have that capacity.The other child got luckier because the beautiful shoes are useless if you can not walk the world with them.

Sergio Tarazona
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown18 September 2016 at 21:37
It was a hot day and I was sat down alone, in the half of a park, my broken shoes were a reason of jeer for other kids, I was not bearing any more this situation, so I got up and walked far from them, my appearance met reflected in the clear water of the river, I contemplated it for a moment and I continued my way. When I was going to sit down, I saw that there was someone on the banking and while I was sitting down I was looking the wonderful shoes that he was wearing and his impecable clothes, when I returned to the reality, I realized that that he had been looking at me and very nicely, he greeted me. I was surpised because someone wanted to say to me a word so I left the place and I sat down under the shadow's tree, while strongly I was desiring look like him.

I was shouting "I want to look like him", when suddenly, my dream came true. I was just where the boy had been sat, but I noticed something strange, while I was looking at him, how he ran, jumped and played, a women approached me with with a wheel chair and she made me a gesture of tenderness, so in that moment, I understood what I was happening, since that moment, I was looking like him, like a rich boy, with new shoes but I could not use them because I could not walk, I was a disable person.

Since that moment my life changed and I learnt that sometimes who shows off to have more, really does not have many things, and you have to value what you have and you must be careful with what you dream.

María Paula Rincón Silva
201511524
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown18 September 2016 at 21:41
I would like to tell you how I ended here, because I don't want you to have the same luck as me. The story started when I was child, my family wasn't rich, actually we were really poor. My parents didn't have money to buy some new shoes to me. For that reason I was unhappy, And I know it's kinda silly because when other children didn't have food, all I wanted was a new pair. It was selfish, I was selfish and I didn't care.

Once, while my parents were making the dinner, I went to the park. I was wishing through all my way that I could finally have a nice day but everyone was laughing at me when I sat down. I could not resist it anymore so I ran until the bridge. When I arrived, I looked at the water and thought that even the ducks were happier that me. How could that be possible? Was it my imagination or was it real? Honestly, nowadays I still don't know. I just know that everything I did was running into that big tree. The only thing that I wished more than new shoes? Friends...

So I took off my broken shoes and put them on my hands while I was trying to simulate that were puppets. I can say that l was happy when something interrupted me. It was a laugh that it came from the seat where I was before. The boy was sitting there with his new pair shoes, I've hate him since that moment, although he didn't do anything to me. He could not be more happier, I wanted to be like him so I started to say while I was closing my eyes: "I wish I was him" "I wish I had his life". To be honest I still wonder what happened that day and how many times I did repeat that, because what became after that just couldn't be of this world: I open my eyes and I just was looking at a new pair of shoes.

It was magic, or at least that was what I thought until I saw that the boy was yelling: "I can walk now, look, I'm walking". Why was he saying that? I knew a second after, when a woman with a wheelchair walked straight to me and said: "Are you ready to come home?". I was an invalid that now had a new pair of shoes. I know nothing makes sense but you have to trust in my story. I didn't appreciate what I had and I wished I was someone just because his shoes. So now, I tell you to look at the little things, because there's where the riches is.

Sofía Molano.
201511502
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown18 September 2016 at 21:48
The video was about a poor child, he was walking across a nature reserve with a sad and bored look and hearing mocking laughs around him.
He sat down, near to a good looking child, and the poor child watched him and his pretty clothes, like comparing, because the poor child was wearing torn shoes and dirty clothes, while the another one was wearing clean clothes and pretty shoes. The good looking child greeted him with his hand, but the poor child went away from him, and he sat down near to a tree, asking for being like the good looking child. He wished it one and another time, and his wish came true.
But it was not like he thought... who before was a good looking child, now was a poor child, and the old poor child, now was the good looking child who was sat in the bank. The new poor child was very very happy, and he was jumping of happiness, because before he could not walk, and now he was jumping, running, and screaming because now he would do it. But it was not happening with the new good looking child, because a woman arrived with a wheelchair to pick him up to go. He realized that now he could not walk anymore, and now he regretted for being so fool, and for wishing things that were quite unnecessary.

Neiris Terraza Navarro
Cod: 201421260
ReplyDelete
Replies
Maria Camila Garcia Mora18 September 2016 at 21:52
...I was in a park, there was this horrible noise, laughs, they were like painful stinks in my ears,I could not take it anymore so I started to walk away; I was sorrounded by trees, their leafs were so bright and it seemed like they were talking to me. Then I got on a bridge, the water under it seemed to be a mirror and there I was, with my wasted clothes, my dirty hair and my broken shoes; in that moment I understood their laughs, I was so ashamed that I could not look my reflect anymore.
I decided to keep walking and suddenly, I saw a kid, I think he was the same age as I am, his clothes were so perfect, his hair was so clean and his shoes, oh man...his shoes were a dream. He tried to be nice to me, he said hi but I was so angry and ashamed that I left without saying goodbye. I sat next to a tree, it was just a few steps from there but I wanted to be alone, I started to think how happy I could be if I was himy; I closed my eyes and when I opened them my shoes, my clothes and my hair were perfect.
Then I saw the other kid, he was screaming and jumping of happiness...but why was he happy?
Unfortunately, I realized why. I could not walk, I freaked out, I wanted my life backnow. Seconds later and old woman came and she took me, then she put me in a wheelchair, I cried and screamed until I woke up; It was just a dream. Since that moment I realized that I could not take anything for granted and my broken shoes became in my most precious thing.

Camila García
201510773
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown18 September 2016 at 22:15
A little boy was on a chair moving his legs, he looked like a poor boy, his hair was disheveled, his shirt disaligned, his pants and shoes old and broken; he was very sad and angry at himself; to him, his life was insignificant, so that, he stood up and went to a small bridge; when he was on it, looked down as if he wanted to finish his life.

On the other side of the park he saw a boy well-dressed who looked very happy and calm; so, he moved closer to him; and saw from head to feet, his shoes were new and nice like his clothes; undoubtedly he wanted to be like him, because his life seemed to be perfect; a few seconds later, hopefully closed his eyes and wished to become like him; when he opened his eyes he was not himself, suddenly he had become the well-dressed boy and the another one become poor boy; he was very happy, now his life would be perfect; but the another one boy seemed to be happier than him, this one ran and jumped pleasingly; his happiness lasted a few minutes when a Mrs approached to him with a wheelchair and told him that it was time to get back home, then, he realized he could not move his legs, his face quickly got sad and tried to wish to become himself again, but unfortunately, he could not.

Sometimes we get worried about getting insignificant things, forgetting what it is really important in our lives; and we do not value what have but whether we desire what another one has.
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown18 September 2016 at 23:07
This story began when a little, depressed and poor boy was seated in the middle of a park while people were laughing. So he stood up of the seat and walked to the bridge.

The boy was walking in the park when he saw another seat with another boy there, but this boy was very well dressed, he obviously was a rich boy. Both sat down while they were watching each other.The rich boy was trying to say hello to the poor boy when he stood up and went there. He sat down near a tree while he was thinking his situation. Then he took off his ripped shoes and he started to play like if they were puppets. After this sad boy closed his eyes and said several times "I want to be like him" while he was wishing for something.
Suddendly in that moment these children had changed of lives, the poor boy was very thrilled running for the park while the rich boy was surpresed for having new clothes and shoes. But what happened ?

The rich boy realized he could not move his legs, while a woman was arriving with a wheelchair for him.

"Careful What You Wish For"
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown18 September 2016 at 23:15
It was a beautiful day, in a wonderful park, there was a child sitting on a bank, he was so sad because people made fun of his shoes, so he decided to start to walking around the park, he was looking at his own reflection in the river while he was thinking about his poor life. Then the child decided to sit down in another bank and there was another boy. They were looking them when the poor child looked at the beautiful and expensive sneakers to the other boy so, the poor child ran and was sitting beside a tree looking his broken shoes and then he wished to be like the other child, he was thinking just in his shoes and his poor wearing.
He closed his eyes and suddenly his dream came true, he has a nice hair, expensive clothes and the most important he has wonderful sneakers, But this was not mattering because he could not walk, he could not ran, he could not move his legs, and he could neither walk, nor spoil his expensive shoes.
The story is so sad and I think that we have to be happy with all things ever, because this is our life and very person has his own way and his own time.

Laura Alejandra Rojas Zamora
201421162
ReplyDelete
Replies
Camila Palacios19 September 2016 at 05:22
NOTHING IS PERFECT
He was there sitting in the park just like any other day, moving his little feet inside those broken shoes that everyone always laughed at. He decided to take a walk around when he saw a little bridge and under it, his favorite thing in the world, the water... clear like always, he tried not to think too much about the sad look staring back at him. Then, from there he saw a kid, they had the same age, they looked almost the same except for his clothes that were clean and his shoes, brand new. He reached towards him, sat down and looked close to those expensive shoes. The kid smiled but he didn't smile back, he got up and left thinking about how much he wanted a pair like that. He was thinking to much that day and only bad things happen when you do that. Suddenly and just like destiny he saw a tree, but not any tree, his favorite because it had the right shadow to keep him warm and cold at the same time.

It was a long walk from home so he leaned against the tree and took of his broken shoes, he was making them talk to each other through the holes like puppets, he had never had toys so he knew very well that you can play with pretty much everything when a thought came to his mind, he closed his eyes, he wanted to be like him, he wished to be him... He wished so hard that when he opened his eyes he was him.

He woke up in a body that wasn't his own. HE WAS THE KID! He felt happy, so so happy and he just couldn't believe it. A friendly lady walk straight to him, she was pushing a wheelchair, she smiled and apologized for being late and suddenly everything made sense. He touched his legs and tried to move them but couldn't... In the distance he heard someone cheering and jumping around, it was his old body but somebody else was on it.

Camila Palacios
COD : 201511556
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown19 September 2016 at 07:26
IN OTHER SHOES
One day at the park there was a boy sitting alone feeling sad about his shoes and listening to all the voices in his head laughing at him, he was so tires of it and he decided to run to a bridge. When he was there, he was wishing to be dead but then he had a future vision where he saw an elegant boy sitting in the park wearing beautiful shoes. He felt so sad and run away till he sat close to a tree where he started to talk to himself, wandering why, then he wished to be that guy and when he opened his eyes he was on the other guy´s shoes and he was so happy to have those beautiful shoes until his mom came with a wheelchair to help him and he saw the other guy in his old and broken shoes running happily around the park.

Reflection: we cannot assume that someone is happy or has a perfect life just by seeing what they have or how they look like, sometimes we are not able to see the struggles that people are facing and going through every day until we are ¨ on their own shoes¨.

Code: 201513374
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown19 September 2016 at 07:40
Jessica Barrera
Code: 201514560

Martin was rocking his feet while he was seeing the park, he wore a white and dirty t-shirt, ripped black pants and broken white shoes; his hair was ruffled and his face did not seem happy, he was sad. Children laughed in the park when our dear Martin stood up and started to walk across the park.

A bird flew, so, Charlie appeared in the scene, he was enjoying the landscape. Charlie wore good clothing: blue shirt, brown pants and beautiful shoes; he seemed to have lucky. When Martin was closing him, Charlie greeted with a smile in his face, but Martin was not nice.
Martin walked until a tree, then he sat down in the grass while he was taking off his broken shoes and he started to play with them like a famous master of puppets. Suddenly, he pronounced:
-¡I want to be like him!
He closed his eyes while he was repeating these words with intensity.

When he opened his eyes, he was happy for a moment, Martin thought to have Charlie's life, thought to have everything. But, he did not know that a woman closed him with a wheel chair, he could not move his legs.
Now, Charlie was inside Martin's body and he was enjoying and running like a mad boy because he had the most important in the life.
The end is good and bad: a boy had oportunity to walk and another one had a life lesson.
ReplyDelete
Replies
misterios de la laguna19 September 2016 at 08:39
In other shoes …
In our life every time we want a lot of things that we do not possess, people think that money and expensive things give us happiness but if we have health we can get a lot of money with ours hands.
Now I have a story about importance of the money…
In a park was a child sitting. Child hears voices laughing and starts walking toward a bridge. The water ran like his ideas.
In other part of the park was other guy. This guy has a good appearance, he has beautiful clothes. The poor child goes to other part of the park near to the guy that has beautiful clothes while the child sat on the grass, he had his broken shoes and with this situation the poor child does a puppet show with her shoes.
While the child does the puppet show The child wished with all his being the change of his life.
The poor child wanted to have a lot of things… in a magical glow the two boys changed their life…
When the poor child realize the dream of having another child's life
the poor boy realized that his legs would not move and would have to use a wheelchair .. on the other hand the rich kid was happy because he could move again. While the rich kid jumped up everywhere, the poor boy facing his new wealth
There are so poor people who only have money ... happiness is not in objects but at times.
christiam puentes 201320080

ReplyDelete
Replies
Daniela Galvis19 September 2016 at 09:50
*_No one’s got it all_*
There was a kid sitting alone in a chair at the park, he had wasted and broken shoes, then he walked to a bridge and stood on it, he was thinking, then a dove passed and left a feather that flew to the boy who was sitting in a park bench. He was well dressed, when the first kid appeared, the guy with nice clothes waved his hand to say hello, but the poor kid walked away.
The kid with the broken shoes sat next to a tree, took off his shoes, closed his eyes and started to wish that he was just like the well-dressed kid, then he opened his eyes and happened like he wanted, he was the kid with that was well dressed.
He was sitting on the same bench that the well-dressed kid was on, he was happy because he had good shoes and his dream came true, everything was happiness until a woman came with a wheel chair telling him that it was time to go, he turned his head looking for his old body, he was running around the park, he was the happiest person on earth, then the new well-dressed kid realized that he was paralytic.

Daniela Galvis
Cod: 201510293
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown19 September 2016 at 10:59
WHEN THE WISHES CAME TRUE…
Once upon a time, there was a child sat down in the middle of a park, he was thinking about life while people were laughing, the boy was das, so he decided to walk around the park when suddenly he stopped on a little bridge, he looked himself into the water…Everything was confusing, so he continued walking.

The boy was looking the nature when another boy arrived, that boy looked like well-dressed, the other boy compared himself with that boy, he did not have new shoes, they were broken, his shirt and his pants were old…He could not support this and ran away from this place and stopped behind a tree.

He was wishing to be like the other boy when suddenly his desire came true… The well-dressed boy ran so happy around the park in his new body, and, the poor boy was confused, but, why..? Well the problem was that the well-dressed boy was paraplegic… So in this way the poor boy learned two important lessons…Always we have to be careful with our wishes and to appreciate everything that we have.

Luis Fernando Mesa Corredor
201511431
ReplyDelete
Replies
Anonymous19 September 2016 at 11:38
There was a lonely boy sitting in a park bench while other children were laughing, he looked in a bad mood due to his life condition, he was wearing old dirty clothes, he was not fine at all.

The boy started walking away from the bench and stopped in a small bridge then he stared at the water for a moment and continued his walking. He went back to the bench and found another boy there who on the contrary seemed happy he sat but as he felt envy he went to sit next to a tree that was near and started using his shoes like if they were puppets while he was pouting about his situation. The other boy was neat and well dressed so deeply he wished to be like him.

His wish became true, he was dressed like the the other boy and thought that everything was good but for his surprise he was not able to walk any more while the other boy was running very happy around the same tree he was sitting and finally to seal his short happiness a lady came with a wheelchair for him.

Juan Pablo Sánchez
201511851
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown19 September 2016 at 12:17
JUST A CHOICE
Once upon a time, there was a boy named Sam Weasley who was not happy about his life. One day, he was sitting on a bank while some people were laughing at him due to his torn clothes (a normal fact on his daily life). Therefore, Sam ran away of that place and stopped in a bridge where he looked at his reflex on a little river and thought:
-Oh, that’s just me... I do not understand, Why don't i fit in this world?-

Suddenly, he went to a bank and while he was encouraging himself. One well-dressed, fancy, elegant and clean-cut boy glanced at him and with a tender smile accepted him as a good fellow. However, Sam got out of that place when he realized about his wealth, and he said to himself:
-He must have a lot of money, his clothes are tiny clue of this fortune.-
-Oh my fairy godmother, please, I want to be like him.-

That day was his birthday and consequently, his dream came true (after a long time thinking about it). Once he realized he was in good shape, he tried to go to celebrate but something did not work:
-What's wrong with me... Why can't i move my legs?-
Unexpectedly, his mom brought him the wheels chair to go back home. He was destroy by his disability status, while the boy who took his place was running completely happy because of a miracle that was a choice of someone who did not care about the importance of loving, appreciating and enjoying life

BY:

EDGAR RIVERA
UPTC
2016
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown22 September 2016 at 20:41
My Shoes

in the video my shoes, there was an unhappy child with a dirty and broken shoes in the park sitting on the grass, he remembered the bullyng from the others. he was walking around a bridge of the park, je just wanted that the things was different so he was watching a boy with a clean and perfect shoes

suddenly he wondered ''why do things have to be like this'' and he wished be that perfect and rich child and that dream became truth but when he realized that he had other body,

he looked his old body and he saw a happy boy jumping and running around a tree, he could not understand why a boy could be happy with his awful shoes and in that moment he tried to move his legs and he could not, once more he looked sad. a beautiful shoes was not that he really needed.

Marlly Sanabria
201421179
ReplyDelete
Replies
Unknown22 September 2016 at 20:42
FEEDBACK
Line 2: M: in a bridge C: on a bridge
line 3: M: Why don't i fit in this world? C: Why don't I fit in this world?
line 5: M: good fellow C: friend ( the word "good fellow" is not suitable in that context.
line 5: M: Sam got out of that place... C: Sam went out of that place
line 6: M: he must have a lot of money C: He has a lot of money; because "must" is a modal verbs used to indicate an obligation, prohibition or need.
line 6: M: his clothes are tiny clue of this fortune C: his clothes are a tiny clue of his fortune
line 10: M: Why can't i move my legs? C: Why can't I move my legs?
line 11: M: Wheels chair C: Wheel chair
line 11: M: He was destroy by his disability status C: he was emotionally DESTROYED by his disability (passive voice)
line 11: M: disability status C: disability (It is not necessary to put "disability status" (Redundancy)

Good job Edgar! ;)

ReplyDelete
Replies

Add comment